Father Christmas

It's Christmas Time! Christmas is my absolute favorite time of year, y'all. I love everything about it. The lights. The snow. The fellowship. The food. The Christmas programs. The Christmas speeches. The story of Jesus' birth. The spirit of giving. I love it all. Christmas Eve was often celebrated at our house, because it's my mom's birthday. The entire family would come over. Cousins, aunts, everyone. It was my favorite night of the year. My brother and I were allowed to open one gift after everyone left, because it was usually after midnight. Then we'd wake up on Christmas morning and there were enough gifts under the tree for an army. LOL! It was always such a magical time. My mom was HUGE on Christmas and my Dad just followed suit.

Now that I'm an adult with children of my own, I realize that in real life, Christmas can be a stressful headache, if you let it. When my children were smaller, I wholeheartedly pushed the "Santa Claus" idea. We had a yearly tradition. Cookies, hot chocolate, hand-written letters to Mr. Claus, the whole nine. My kids would be so excited that they couldn't fall asleep on Christmas Eve. When they finally did, then and only then could my husband and I bring out their gifts and wrap them. Many years, we went to sleep right around 5am Christmas morning. It was a job, indeed. And that was after spending every penny in my (and probably my parents') bank account to make sure my kids woke up thinking my living room was F.A.O. Schwartz. This year, though, my children are 11 and 13. Far past the idea of Santa Claus. They didn't ask for much. They don't have a calendar to count down. My babies are growing up on me.

"This year, though, my children are 11 and 13. Far past the idea of Santa Clause."

As for me? I'm in a different type of mood this year. It's December 23rd. The day before my mom's 55th birthday. It's also Christmas Eve Eve (as my baby calls it). All of the gifts are already wrapped and sitting under the tree. The idea of Santa coming tomorrow night is just a fleeting memory at this point. Apparently, he's already been here. LOL! I'm not doing what I'm usually doing around this time- stressing about my children not having enough boxes to open. Did I get them enough? Will they be excited? Will they be satisfied? My best friend and I go through this every year. We'll run down the crazy list of what we've purchased for our children and then fret about it "not being enough". SMH- This is what gives Christmas the potential to be stressful... We make it that way.

This year, though, I didn't have the chance to stress myself out about gifts. This month was stressful in a few other ways. For about a month, I'd been planning a surprise birthday dinner for my mom, the Christmas Eve baby. The dinner was set to take place on Friday, December 13th. I reached out to several of her friends to make sure they'd be in attendance. I also made sure to have her sister and cousins fly in from CT for the ultimate surprise. Of course the first restaurant didn't work out, I had people cancelling at the last minute. Just the typical run-ins you have when planning a party. But, all-in all, it was finally coming together beautifully and I couldn't wait to surprise and celebrate my mom on her special day.

On December 10th, I got a call from my mom that rocked me completely. She called to tell me that my Dad had been in an accident and was rushed via ambulance to the hospital. My mind went blank and my heart hit the floor. A 170 lb. metal beam fell from the wall, hitting my Dad in the head, splitting his head open, knocking him to the ground, unconscious for a moment or two. I didn't need to hear any more. Within 45 minutes, I'd left work and was on my way to the airport. Super nervous. Super scared. Super shaken up. The thought that kept going through my mind? "My Dad called me yesterday and I didn't call him back".

I was sick. I called him and he was able to talk to me and tell me what happened, but I still needed to see for myself that he was okay. When I got home, I was so glad that I'd come. I don't think I'd ever really seen my Dad in such a physically fragile state. All I wanted to do was be there and to make sure he had everything that he needed.

My Dad ended up leaving the hospital with six staples in his head, a left knee that was pretty banged up and a left hand that he could barely use (which sucks, because he's left-handed). But no damage to his skull. How, Sway? A 170 lb. metal beam to the head and ZERO damage to his skull? God is so amazing. I spent three days watching him. He was in so much pain. His head hurt both internally and externally. His balance was off. He could barely walk because of that knee. He couldn't open his medicine because of that hand. The doctor instructed him to refrain from doing anything that involved "thinking"- which confused me at first. Like, how is that even possible? While being there with him though, I began to understand how it was possible. My Dad couldn't have a conversation with me without getting lightheaded. Said it felt like his head was "swimming" after talking for a while. That's how he felt after two-minute phone conversations. That's how he felt after watching half an episode of "In the Heat of the Night". It's crazy how the brain works. Literally, the only time he was comfortable was while he was asleep. But then, he couldn't even enjoy that because he was so afraid to sleep that he had me waking him up every hour.

The visit was pretty taxing. I was physically tired because I stayed up monitoring my Dad. Emotionally tired because I was so worried. I could have really lost him on this one, and the reality of that would not leave my thoughts. My Dad- the most giving, caring, and kind person in my life; whose call I missed Monday night, I could have lost him... It was the worst feeling in the world.

It'd been three days and a thought popped into my head. "My relatives up here in CT are getting ready to fly down to Atlanta to partake in the surprise party that I'm throwing for my mom!" My mind was everywhere. Something about fearing for the life of one parent and celebrating life with the other, all within one week, was just too much. I was on an emotional roller coaster. I'd taken my Dad to the doctor and everything looked okay. I was witnessing him getting a little bit stronger with each passing day. Also, my brother, aunts, uncles, and cousins all live in CT and could easily tend to him. Even with all of those pros, I was still leery about leaving him. However, this was a milestone year for my mom! Turning 55 is a big deal. Which is why I was throwing the party in the first place. She's so deserving of a celebration and there was no way I was going to have that celebration for my girl, and me not be there.

Something about fearing for the life of one parent and celebrating life with the other, all within one week, was just too much.

At three o'clock Friday morning, I headed to the airport. I flew home, went straight to work, got off work, and got dressed for the party. My mom was the happiest that I'd seen her in a long time, when she walked into the restaurant. She was so surprised, so excited, and so beautiful on that night. I was so happy to be there with her. To see her smile and laugh and enjoy her family and friends-it was the best feeling in the world.

Crazy, right? The best feeling in the world and the worst feeling in the world, within days of each other. Felt crazy for me, too. For a few days after the party I was stuck. I think just coming down off of everything. My body was pretty exhausted. The previous week, I'd spent performing two or more shows a day with "A Soulful Christmas". Then with the travel, the scare of my Dad, and the celebration for my Mom. I just needed to sit.

Around December 17th, I realized, I hadn't even thought about Christmas! Couldn't even entertain the idea of battling these stores going Christmas shopping. I was officially "not in the mood" for my favorite time of year.

As I'm sitting here now, looking at the gifts sitting under the tree, somehow, it all worked out. I've had years when finances worked against me, but I'd still try and outdo last Christmas for my kids. It's like a disease. This year, time was working against me. It all came together though. Amazon was a God-send. Christmas, which is usually such a hustle and bustle for me, was actually a breeze this year. But, I think I know why.

We get so caught up in the commercialism of it all. I know I do, for sure. With Christmas being so monumental in my house as a child, I've always felt like I had to live up to that when it came to my own children. However, after this year, I realize, children will be happy with whatever is under that tree. I grew up in church, so I know all about the "reason for the season". I know it's when Christ was born. I know that the three wise men followed the star to find Him in a manger because no hotels had vacancies. This, we are groomed to know. However, we still fall into the trap of obsessing over what to get for whom. I know I've got it bad. I thank God for showing me though, that the presence of family and friends is the best gift of all.

I've thought over and over within the past few weeks about what life would have been like if my Dad hadn't gotten up off that floor. I've been stuck in a state of gratitude. I didn't want anything for Christmas. I never do. But this year, I couldn't even think of anything when my husband said "the kids want to get you SOMETHING..." I have everything that I need. A husband who loves me even though he says I'm "mean as a rattlesnake" LOL! Two healthy, smart, and amazing children. Friends. My mom who has walked this earth for 55 years and unselfishly dedicated 33 of those years to me. And my Dad. He's still getting light-headed, still a little off-balance, still getting a slight headache on a daily basis. But he is here. He's here with me and the brief possibility of that not being so, is too much to even think about.

At age 33, I can finally, honestly say I know what the holidays are all about. We say it all the time, but it has really taken this particular Christmas for me to truly understand. Family is everything. Hold on to the family members that you still have here and don't waste your time stressing over things that don't really matter. Those things will almost always come together. Stop emptying your bank accounts at Christmas time. Be there for each other and love on those who love you. Celebrate your loved ones. My husband told me tonight, "Maybe now, you'll stop stressing about gifts. It's about quality, not quantity." And he is absolutely right. It may have taken me a while to see that, but now I fully understand. I know he was referring to Christmas gifts, but honestly, you can put that on everything. The quality of my life is so amazing and that's honestly the only gift I need.

#darkglitter