Kristina.

Who are you? No, really? Can you answer that easily? Cause I'm 32 years old and at times, that's still a really hard question for me to answer. Not because I don't know- but because it's LITERALLY hard for me to say. I think, that throughout my entire life, I've allowed myself to fall into a place where it wasn't super important to me for people to know exactly who I was. Maybe I put myself there, or maybe that's just the way it all worked out.

It wasn't super important to me for people to know exactly who I was.

I think, that throughout my entire life, I've allowed myself to fall into a place where it wasn't super important to me for people to know exactly who I was.

I realize that I've always been the girl who downplays every accomplishment and talent of her own, while "big upping" the accomplishments and talents of others. To this day, though, I could not tell you why. If someone tells me I sing well, my automatic response is "Eh, thanks- but have you heard (insert name here) sing?!". If someone says "Oh wow! You speak Spanish?!", my automatic response is "Un poquito." knowing full well that the Spanish language registers exactly as the English language does in my head. Accepting compliments or talking about the things that I do well, has never been easy. But, not only that, my name is pronounced incorrectly at least ten times a day. I even have longtime friends who still say my name incorrectly. Some of my friends (and also my Dad LOL) still have my name spelled incorrectly in their phones. It's never been in me, though, to correct them. Instead, I just respond. I've answered to the name "Kristina" more times than I can count. So what is it? Is it a humble spirit? Is it a bashful spirit? Is it a passive spirit? Beats me.

When I was in High School, boys didn't flock to me. I wasn't the prettiest girl in the room, I wasn't the ugliest girl in the room. I didn't have very much confidence though, and, often times, I'd shy away from things... Especially boys. So, when one showed interest in me, I was elated. The one who did, just happened to be a High School football state champion with a championship ring the size of a small plum! What?! He wanted to date who?! He even gave me his ring that I put on a chain and wore around my neck. To protect the innocent, I won't go into detail, but, I will say that this didn't really count as much of a relationship at all. He'd call, but that was about it. I still wore that ring, though. On into college. Why, right? Because I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I wasn't attached to, smitten by, or even interested in the ring's owner any longer. I now know that I wore that ring because it was a conversation piece. I never had to start conversations with people- the ring did that. I didn't have to do the "ice-breaker" thing and talk about myself, which had always been uncomfortable for me to do. People would ALWAYS ask about that ring. And me? Instead of telling them that I was a pretty good singer who'd won state competitions and talent shows; instead of telling them that I'd created several articles of clothing without ever having been taught how to sew; instead of telling them that I was fluent in Spanish and had pretty much taught myself the language by the time I was 14; instead of telling them that I'd won awards for short stories and had been editor of several school papers- instead of all of these things, it was easier for me to talk about HIM. So that's exactly what I'd do. Hide my accomplishments to promote his- and I didn't even WANT him! In doing so, it made it harder for me to connect with people on a personal level because I never really made room for them to know who I was. What I liked. What I was interested in. What I was good at.

In my adult life, often times, my kids and I have gotten approached by people that we don't know. "You guys are Brenton's family! I see y'all all the time on Instagram! Feels like I know you!" they'll say. It's never been anything that's bothered or offended me. I actually enjoy meeting all of the people. I love people! These experiences have, however, opened my eyes about Kristiana, the individual. People know that you're Brenton's wife; Cameron and Landon's mom; but do they know Kristiana, the person?

I started a blog a few years ago and sometimes I go back to it and read the posts. There's one in particular that makes me cringe a little. It was around the time when my husband was appointed pastor of a church. I wrote about how when I was little, I planned to be famous, but now, clearly, God had other plans for me. Now, my life was to be a minister's wife. Listen. Don't get me wrong. I am still a minister's wife. However, that isn't my life. Hear me well. Your life? YOUR LIFE, should never be determined by someone else's. Now, understandably so, that's a big PART of my life. I will forever stand behind, beside, or in front of (don't come for him because I'll be right there) my husband, to be whatever he needs for me to be. I will always carry myself in a way that's honorable to him. I will always respect the role. However, that does not mean that it isn't also acceptable for me to be me. And guess who made me see that? My husband did. Over the last couple of years, my husband would ask me: What do you want to do? If the kids and I weren't here, who would you want to be? It's hard for me as a wife and mother to answer those questions and not feel selfish, however, I'm realizing that it is so important to be your whole self. Acknowledge and live your own dreams. Remember who you are. Go back to the beginning. Remember what you wanted more than anything and fight for that. You aren't a "minister's wife" first. You're a singer first. You're a designer first. You're a stylist first. You're a blogger first.

Remember who you are. Go back to the beginning. Remember what you wanted more than anything and fight for that.

You know who you are. You know exactly who you are. Be confident in that. Be comfortable talking about it. Advocate for it. Don't dodge it. Don't sugar coat it. Don't include anyone else in it. Who are YOU? In creating Dark Glitter, the very last field that I filled in was the "about me" field. I wasn't comfortable letting you all know. Now, though, one of the most important things to me, is for people to know exactly who I am, and I'm working on it. I have to constantly remind myself of the same advice that I give my daughter. Never dim your own light. You are who you are because God gave you what He gave you, and it is totally okay to be 100% confident in that. No one will know what you have to offer if you don't allow them to. Know the difference between confidence and cockiness. Identify that line and stay on the right side of it. Allow yourself to be complimented. That price you decide to set for your services? It's worth charging. Your talents? They're worth discussing. Your goals? They're worth reaching. Your name is worthy of its correct pronunciation. Period. Never forget that and never, ever allow yourself to feel badly about it.

Kris-tee-ah-nuh