Headed home from our family vacation to Los Angeles. Literally typing this on the 4.5 hour flight. What else is there to do, right? I’ve been thinking, though. This particular trip to L.A. has done wonders for me. Not only did my family truly need a vacation, but, I needed a change of scenery. I needed THIS scenery. Everything about the trip from the time we took off to now, has stood out in my mind. On our way out there, Landon and I sat beside an older woman, Ms. Debbie, who was so sweet throughout the duration of the flight. She slept a lot, and seemed to be preoccupied with something. She told me over and over again how well-mannered Landon was, and how I should be so proud of that. She also witnessed an interaction between me and Cameron that almost got Cam snatched up. LOL! She proceeded to tell me that she was a former teacher and had taught every grade at some point in her career. She reassured me that middle school was indeed the hardest time when raising girls, and that if I could make it through these few years, we’d be smooth sailing.
When we landed and turned our phones on, Ms. Debbie cried out as she received text message after text message. Her phone was blowing up. She read the text messages to me. Her Dad had passed 15 minutes after we took off. He’s who she was headed to see. “I just wanted him to hold on until I got to him, I just couldn’t get there fast enough…” she said. All I could think of was the timing. Ms. Debbie had sat through a five hour plane ride. Oblivious to everything. All along, those down below knew her Dad had already passed on. She wasn’t reachable, she was out of touch. So, in her mind, things were still alright. She still had time. She didn’t, though. As we deplaned, I told her that I’d be praying for her and her family. The last thing she said to me before she walked off was “Be good to your parents and live a good life. My father lived an amazing life.” And then she was gone.
Well, we made it to LA. We decided not to take the tourist route this trip. We stayed in an amazing apartment right outside of Beverly Hills. Oh! That’s ONE important thing I learned on this trip. My kids have gotten entirely too big and too greedy for me to still be booking hotel rooms, if I can help it. Airbnb it is from now on. I need them in their own rooms and I need to be able to cook. Beneficial to my sanity AND my pocketbook. But, anyway. We stayed right outside of Beverly Hills, rented a convertible, went to dinner with friends, celebrated with friends. It was almost like we lived there! LOL! Our friend Nick told us about a new Louis Vuitton exhibit on Rodeo Drive and suggested we check it out. Of course, I was all over it. However, as excited as I was, I was also a little nervous. Get this. I love the fashion industry with every fiber of my being. I’ve got a Vogue magazine in my purse right now. I can tell you what’s in this season and what’s out. I can tell you what stores line Rodeo and all of the designers who curated them. Since I was a little girl (watching Cher and Dionne on Clueless), I’ve dreamed of walking down that street. However, when it actually came down to it, my mind was everywhere. I’ve been to Los Angeles three times before this one. The first time, I was sixteen and I went to visit my Uncle. The second time, my husband and I flew in to record a song with the late, great, Grammy Award Winning LaShawn Daniels. The third time, for a family vacation. Each time, I took the Hollywood tour. I sat on a bus as we passed by the Hollywood sign, amazing homes of celebrities, and, you guessed it, Rodeo Drive. It’s crazy, but it never really seemed like real life to me that I could actually PARK and walk down the street. Or that I could be one of the people shopping inside the stores. It all seemed untouchable; out of my league. That day, though, I went for it. Because there was no way I was missing that Louis Vuitton exhibit!
I walked down that street in awe. Breezing past the stores of my favorite designers. I felt like I was at home. I also felt really, really small. Like, OMG I’m here- but am I out of place? Do I stick out? The careers, the statuses (and the bank accounts) of the individuals walking up and down this street are the total opposite of what mine are looking like right now. Kinda don’t belong here… Just as I was thinking that thought, a guy walks up to me with a video camera. He says “Excuse me, but do you think I could possibly interview you about High End Fashion, your favorite designers, and your thoughts on where the industry is headed?” I’m looking around like “Ummmmmm me? All these people out here and you choose me?!” He said, “Yes, you. You look the part and are just what I need.” I was so nervous and so caught off guard. At first, I declined. All I could think of were all of the things related to a career in fashion that I wished I was working on, but, in real life I’m not there yet. I didn’t feel like I was in a worthy enough place to be doing an interview on Rodeo Drive, that I knew for sure. Just then, he said to me, “It doesn’t matter what you have or what you don’t have. I just want to know what you think. I think people would care to hear it from you.” That blew my mind. I did the interview (after some coercing from my husband). Stood there on the sidewalk of my favorite street in the world and gave an interview on High Fashion. I don’t know who he was. I don’t know what this interview was for. What I do know is that it lit a fire. A light bulb turned on. This is exactly where I’m supposed to be. This is exactly what I’m supposed to be doing. Why would I not be able to live the life that I’ve always wanted? Why am I not actively and rigorously pursuing the career that I’ve dreamed about? Why would I not be worthy enough to walk down this street?
Why would I not be able to live the life that I’ve always wanted?
Sometimes in life we go through these horrible bouts of self-doubt. For a while (almost eight months) I’d stopped blogging, stopped offering to style people, and continuously declined to style those who’d asked. Dreams are tricky. Even when everyone around you is telling you that something is for you. If you’re not confident enough, it means nothing. I realized on this trip, though, that if for a moment you start to doubt yourself, God is intentional enough to send gentle reminders. He will let you know exactly where you’re supposed to be and what you’re supposed to be doing. The minute you think you aren’t good enough and that you’re lacking the tools you need to be successful; He lets you know that you are more than enough. He reminds you that He has already given you everything that you need.
Self-doubt is crippling. The one thing you can’t do, though, is let it take you out of the game. Don’t let it become an excuse for laziness or procrastination (like I often do). Push through and do the work it takes to be great. Reach out to that important connect. Write the blog post. Create some new content. Turn off Netflix and dedicate your evening to making strides toward greatness. Someone told me the other day that I’m “too okay” and “too comfortable” with the life that I’m living and that’s what’s keeping me from moving forward. I realize the truth behind this. Until you are fed up with mediocrity, you’ll never be compelled to move forward. But, you deserve more. You want more. So, go for it. We’ve got two months left in this year. In this decade. It’s time to make some things happen.
I think a lot about Ms. Debbie. I think a lot about that fact that while she was on that plane, not knowing what was happening down below, she was in a safe space. Safe spaces are so comfortable. They’re cozy. That’s where I’ve been and that’s probably where you’ve been at some point or another. But while we're flying on a plane, oblivious to what's going on around us, dreams are coming true. Goals are being met. The world is still moving while we're standing still. Oblivious and out of touch. We can’t be afraid to leave that space, just because we don’t know what’s on the outside of it. Or because the work that comes with it seems intimidating. Sometimes what’s outside of that space can be horrifying. Sometimes, though, it can be your wildest dream come true! Until you touch down, you’ll be flying obliviously. Out of touch and out of contact with the beautiful life that you could be living. We have to trust that when the plane lands and we re-connect with society, that we are equipped to handle our reality. Our calling. Our purpose. More importantly, though, we have to realize that we are worth much more than mediocrity. Stop doubting yourself. Stop settling for what's comfortable. Stop thinking that you aren’t worthy enough to have whatever it is that you want in this life... Go get it.
Be good to your parents and live a good life. Starting now.
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